Denial
by kenpogirl
Summary: Erica and Callie are feeling something for each other... but can they admit it?


**Disclaimer:** I own neither the show nor the characters and no copyright infringement is intended. They're all Shonda's and ABC's. I'm just having fun with them.

**Special Note: To all those people responsible for Brooke Smith's character, Dr. Erica Hahn, being written off the show for supposed lack of chemistry… How's this for chemistry???? **

**Background:** This story picks up right after the fateful evening at Joe's that Erica and Callie spent with Addison and (unfortunately) Sloan.

**Denial - Pt. 1**

**It is the morning after the fateful evening that Erica had spent with Callie and Addison at Joe's. 7 a.m. finds the blonde alone in her office, feeling more miserable than she'd ever felt in her life. She'd watched Callie leave the bar with **_**Mark Sloan**_**, of all people, and it brought up every emotion that Erica hated to feel; anger, frustration, sadness… and jealousy. Intense jealousy. Uncontrollable jealousy, and Erica did not like it one bit. Erica Hahn, world-renown cardiothoracic surgeon, did NOT, repeat, **_**NOT**_** do crazy jealous…normally, but somewhere along the line she'd lost control when it came to Callie. She never really made friends with anyone, but somehow she'd been drawn in by the warm, sensitive Latina. She'd been charmed by the gentle brunette's sense of humor and bubbly personality before she ever knew what hit her, and now she was done for. She was in it up to her neck with no way out, and watching Callie walk out of Joe's holding Mark Sloan's hand had crushed her. The cardio-goddess had cried all night long. She hadn't been able to sleep at all, and the later it got, the sicker she felt. Even now she can't quell the nausea in her stomach, she has one major bitch of a headache, and every single muscle in her body aches. She would have called in sick, except that she knew that if she stayed home alone, she'd go crazy. So instead, she'd come to work early and locked herself in her office, dropping herself clumsily onto her couch with her charts. It's a desperate attempt to bury herself deep enough in her work to stop thinking about anything else, but it's not working. She can't stop thinking about Callie. Truth be told, Callie had consumed Erica's every thought for weeks prior, but usually thinking about Callie made Erica feel good. Since the night before, however, thinking of Callie gave the chief of cardiothoracic surgery a pain in her stomach and brought tears to her sky-blue eyes. **_**God, when exactly did I turn into this sniveling, weak little wimp?, **_**Erica chides herself. Then she closes her eyes, and with a snort of resignation and a sad, slow shake of her head, she answers her own question. **_**The second I laid eyes on Callie Torres. **_**The blonde knew that she'd been broken, and she hadn't minded it while she felt that there was even the slightest possibility that Callie might return her feelings, but now she just feels truly broken and empty and utterly alone. She covers her face with her hands as a fresh batch of tears flows from her eyes. Her shoulders shake with the sobs that rack her body. Just when she thinks she might collapse under the weight of her despair, she realizes that it's time for her to begin making her rounds and she's forced to venture out of the sanctuary of her office, though she has no idea how in the world she's going to keep it together, much less focus on her work. With great effort, she wipes her tears away with a tissue from her pocket and lifts herself from the couch. Slowly, deliberately, she walks over to the door, unlocks it and puts her hand on the knob. Then she stops, takes a deep breathe, and gathers her courage before turning the knob and pushing the door open. As she walks down the hall, she feels overwhelmed by all the activity. Every noise is too loud, every **

**light too bright, every person walking by so fast that it's dizzying. Finally she reaches the nurses station where she mentally notes the presence of Meredith, Christina, Derek, Izzie, Alex, Lexie, and Bailey, but speaks to none of them. She meets her students, and with an explanation that she's assigning an independent study day, she divides them into groups, assigns each group a patient to study, and tells them she'll meet them later to go over their findings. Just when she thinks she'll be able to get back to her office and be safely isolated again, she spots a pair of familiar chocolate brown eyes fixed on her from a distance down the hall and heading right for her at a rapid pace. **_**Oh, no. No, no, no. Please, God, no!**_**, Erica silently pleads, but to** **no avail. Within seconds she's face to face with one very worried-looking Callie. **

**Callie** **:** "Hey, I've been looking all over for you since last night. Where've you been?"

**If Erica hadn't been so flustered and desperate to get away from Callie, she might have heard Callie say that she'd been looking for her **_**since last night**_**. Perhaps then she might have questioned how Callie could be spending the night with Sloan **_**and **_**looking for her at the same time, but she's so distracted that she misses the discrepancy. **

**Erica (flatly with a stoic expression, avoiding Callie's eyes) : **"Nowhere. I'm just not feeling well, so…"

**Callie (now looking even more worried, taking another step towards Erica, searching Erica's face and putting a hand on Erica's arm) : **"What's the matter? Are you ok?"

**Erica (still not looking at Callie, gently pulling away from Callie's touch and rushing to get away) : **"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just the flu or something. I'm just going to go sit in my office and do paperwork."

**Callie (starting to walk after Erica) : **"Good. I'll go with you."

_**You have **_**got **_**to be f#$%^ **_**kidding**__**me!, Erica thinks to herself incredulously when her attempts to avoid Callie fail. With an exasperated sigh, her mind races to think up a reason why Callie can't come with her. It is then that Mark Sloan comes sidling up between Erica and Callie, a huge **

**you-know-you-can't-resist-me grin on his face. **

**Mark (mockingly and obnoxiously) : **"Aaaaww, what's the matter? The big, bad cardio-goddess got a little tummy ache?"

**Erica (dangerously close to exploding, speaking menacingly in a low, angry growl through clenched teeth and staring furiously into Mark's eyes) : **"Sloan… if you have a single firing brain cell in that empty cavern you call a skull… you will walk away from me right this second and never, _**EVER**_ even glance in my direction _**EVER **_ again. **(with great emphasis)** _**Do you understand me**_?"

**Mark (clasping his hands together on his chest in mock fear)** **: **"Ooooh, she's getting angry! Oh, no. Whatever will I do?"

**Callie (trying to head off impending disaster) : **"Mark, she's not kidding. She's not feeling well and she's in a bad mood. Leave her alone."

Mark takes another step towards Erica until they are only inches apart.

**Mark (in his best seductive tone) : **"Is that so? Well, I _am _a doctor, you know. How about if I show you my bedside manner?"

**With a devious smile that turns Erica's stomach, Mark puts his hand on the heart surgeon's shoulder. Erica completely loses control at the moment of contact. With lightning speed, she grabs his hand and jerks his arm behind his back, twisting it in a hammerlock until he is whimpering in agony. Erica continues to gradually increase the pressure until she feels a set of hands come from behind her on either side and take hold of her forearms, pulling gently, but firmly.**

**Callie (voice fearful, pleading) : **"Erica, you're going to break his arm. Let him go, please."

**Disgusted, Erica shoves Mark away from herself with such force that he tumbles to the ground in a heap. She is breathing heavily from the rage that she has to force herself to contain. Chest heaving, brow furrowed, her eyes are full of anger, staring at Sloan who is still on the floor, cowering and holding his arm. Her body rocks as she wants to take a step towards Mark to finish what she started, but she fights the urge and manages to stop herself just in time, but Mark flinches anyway. Everyone looks on in open-mouthed shock. For a second, Erica just stares unblinkingly at Sloan with pure hate in her blue eyes without moving a muscle. She then turns her head to look at Callie and her expression changes to pain and sadness. Finally, she takes one step backwards, then another, then another, and then spins around and walks away, punching the wall as she makes her way back to her office. Seconds later, Erica unlocks the door to her office, walks in and slams it loudly behind her. **_**That son of a bitch!**_**, she thinks to herself, giving her desk a resounding kick with everything she's got. She is still wound up, still having difficulty controlling her breathing, and she can't stand still. She is almost bouncing, shifting her weight from one foot to the other in agitation, wandering aimlessly around her office like a caged animal when she hears her door swing open behind her. She turns around to see Callie looking at her meekly from the doorway, her eyes almost asking for permission to enter. Erica makes an effort to go into chief-of-cardiothoracic-surgery mode and looks at her as if she's looking at a stranger. Tentatively, Callie steps the rest of the way into the room and quietly shuts the door behind her.**

**Callie (softly, with concern) : **"Hey, what happened to you back there? You didn't hurt your hand, did you?"

**Callie** **reaches for Erica's right hand, the one with which she punched the wall on the way to her office.**

**Erica (taking a deep breath, she clenches her jaw, she's defensive, and she firmly pulls her hand away from Callie's touch) : **"It's fine. Look, I'm sorry about that, ok? I'm just not feeling well and I'm aggravated, and anyway I don't want that jerk-off touching me _ever_, but especially not today. I'm _not_ in the mood to deal with his bulls$%^, not today."

**Callie (looking at Erica quizzically) : **"Yeah, I can see you're pretty upset today. What's bothering you?"

**Erica (exasperated) : **"Like I said, I'm not feeling well and I get pissed off when I'm sick. I'm a good doctor, but I'm a lousy patient."

**Callie (looking disappointed, speaking barely above a whisper) : **"Oh." **(she pauses and looks down at her hands momentarily before looking back up at Erica and continuing) **"I thought maybe it had something to do with last night…"

**Erica feels the air rush out of her lungs as the words register. She absolutely **_**cannot**_** discuss last night or she absolutely **_**will**_** break down in front of Callie and that is absolutely **_**not**_** an option. She wipes all emotion off of her face and feigns indifference. **

**Erica (pretending not to know what Callie is alluding to) : **"Last night? What? We had a couple of drinks at Joe's. So what?"

**Callie (looking at Erica meaningfully) : **"Erica, please don't do this. You know what I'm talking about."

**Erica (staring at the floor, denying everything) : ** "Nope. No, I don't."

**Callie (walking right up to Erica and staring into her eyes, challenging): **"You have no feelings about me going home with Mark last night?"

**Erica feels like she just got punched in the chest upon hearing Callie's words, but she's determined to put up a brave front, no matter how badly it's killing her. If Callie wants to be with Sloan and not her, Erica is resolved to respect that and keep her feelings to herself. She will do nothing that could compromise Callie's happiness. She will chivalrously let Callie go and simply suffer in silence. **

**Erica (curtly, shrugging) : **"That's none of my business."

**Callie (pointedly) : **"I think you and I both know that it _is _your business."

**Erica (coldly, shaking her head, about to turn away from Callie) : **"Nope. Not my business."

**Callie (suddenly catching Erica's arm and drawing her close, throwing her strong orthopedic surgeon arms around Erica's waist, holding her tightly and searching her face in a desperate effort to break down the emotional walls that Erica has put up around herself) : **"No, no, no! You are _not _shutting down on me. I _will not_ let you shut me out. Erica, this is me you're talking to. Callie, remember? I'm the person who knows you better than anyone else in the world and we both know what's been happening between us. I know we haven't talked about it yet, but we both feel something more than just friendship for each other and you know that."

**Erica (putting her hands against Callie's shoulders and pushing firmly, trying to squirm out of Callie's arms, avoiding her eyes, voice now weak) : **"Callie…"

**Callie (eyes beginning to tear) : **"I know I screwed up last night, ok? I got overwhelmed. I was scared and confused and like an idiot I drank too much trying to block everything out when I should have just talked to you about what we're both feeling… but, Erica, there's something you have to know. When Mark and I got back to his place…"

**As much as Erica is willing to forgo her own happiness for the sake of Callie's, she cannot bear to hear the lurid details of Callie's escapades with Sloan. She attempts once again to pull herself out of Callie's embrace a little more forcefully, but Callie just holds on to her more tightly, keeping Erica firmly in place. **

**Erica (hissing angrily) : **"The last thing I want to hear about is you and _Sloan_!"

**Erica spits out Mark's name like a curse.**

**Callie (frantically) : **"But, Erica…"

**Erica (still angry): **"No, Callie! I know we were "best friends" and all that, but I can't handle this."

**Callie (tears forming in her eyes, voice cracking, panicked at Erica's use of the past tense in reference to their relationship) : **" Why won't you listen to me?"

**Erica (impulsively screaming at the top of her lungs in furious exasperation, staring Callie down, voiced filled with venom) : **"BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF ANYONE ELSE TOUCHING YOU, ESPECIALLY THAT _**APE**_, MAKES ME _**INSANE!!!!**_"

**Both women are speechless and immobile, in shock at the revelation. They both understand the implication of Erica's words and are momentarily paralyzed by the gravity of the situation. Erica's eyes fill with tears, her breathing becomes labored, and she drops her head in defeat. She cannot bear to look at Callie. Callie still refuses to release her from her arms. **

**Callie (a soft smile creeping onto her lips, speaking quietly, leaving her right arm around Erica's waist, drying her own tears and Erica's with her left hand and then putting the same hand behind Erica's head and running her fingers through Erica's hair, sniffling) : **"Now we're getting somewhere."

**Erica (through her tears) : **"Callie, _please_ just let me go."

**Callie (gently trying to look in Erica's eyes) : **"Erica, listen to me. _I didn't sleep with him_. I started to, but… when we were in his bedroom, starting to take our clothes off, all I could see was the look on your face as we left the bar. It broke my heart. I left with Mark trying to prove to myself that I only liked men, but when I was alone with him, all I could think about was how much I hated seeing the pain and disappointment and sadness in your eyes. It hurt so bad that I wanted nothing so much as to get back to you and make it better for you, make you smile, make you laugh, do away with anything and everything that was hurting you. It wasn't what I should have been thinking about at that moment, but that was _all_ I could think about. I could _not_ stop thinking about you. Then all of a sudden everything made sense. It was all so clear. **(voice and expression grow softer) **The reason I couldn't bear to see you so unhappy, the reason I couldn't get you off my mind… is because… because I'm falling for you, Erica…_hard_. _You _are the one I want to be with, not Mark. I left him to go look for you, but I couldn't get a hold of you and… **(closes her eyes and rests her forehead against Erica's with a sigh)** I've been going nuts wanting to talk to you ever since. I've been dying to tell you all this. **(pulls her head back again to look into Erica's eyes) **I'm absolutely crazy about you, Erica, and I need to know how you feel about me."

**Erica can only close her eyes and allow the tears to flow from her eyes as she is helpless to stop **

**them. Callie** **doesn't need for Erica to speak to understand what the tears mean or the feelings behind them.**

**Callie (whispering) : **" Shhhhh, baby. It's ok. Come here."**(Callie draws Erica closer in her arms, rubbing Erica's back, sniffling, tearing up again as she holds the taller woman) : **"I'm so sorry about running scared and hurting you like that, sweetheart, but if you give me another chance, I will never, ever hurt you like that ever again. I promise. I know it's hard for you to trust me now… but, Erica, we are so good together, you and me. Do you know how rare and precious it is to care so deeply for someone who feels the same way about you? It is such a gift. Most people go their whole lives searching for the connection that we already have and never find it. Please, let's not throw this away just because I did one stupid thing… because then I'll have to live the rest of my life with the guilt and remorse that I found the most amazing person in the world and we fell for each other and we could have had the most incredible relationship ever, but I blew it because I didn't have the balls to go after it when I had the chance, when it was right in front of me. I don't want that to happen. Do you?"

**Callie continues running her fingers through the hair at the base of Erica's head as she speaks, causing Erica to lean back into to the touch, close her eyes, and sigh.**

**Erica (breathlessly, speaking in a hushed tone, voice heavy with desire) : **"My head is spinning. I can't think with you doing that."

**Callie (bringing Erica's head to her shoulder while dropping her own head on Erica's shoulder, still whispering, not wanting to break the magic of the moment) : **"Don't think, baby. Just let yourself feel."

**With the hand she has behind Erica's head, Callie gently guides Erica's mouth to her own. As their lips meet, each woman feels a bolt of lightning course through her body. Callie tightens her grip on the older woman. Erica's arms almost involuntarily wrap themselves around Callie's waist as they continue kissing. Callie can feel Erica shivering and she clutches the taller woman possessively to her, in an effort to reassure her that this is not a dream or a joke or a hallucination. It's very real. She's determined not to risk losing the most important person in her life ever again. Callie trails kisses down Erica's jaw, down her neck, and across her collarbone. She kisses and nuzzles Erica's cheek and then her neck and then her shoulder. Erica's breathing hitches and her eyes slam shut at the feel of Callie's lips. Callie comes back and recaptures the blonde's lips as she runs her hands up and down Erica's back and sides. Erica responds in kind, relishing every curve of the brunette's body. The kisses are soft and gentle. Both women are breathing heavy from the emotion of the moment. Hearts pounding, pulses racing, whole bodies shaking, and both women feeling more than a little light-headed, they continue basking in the taste of each other's lips and the feel of each other's bodies. After a moment, they bring their heads back slightly to look in each other's eyes, finding it difficult to catch their breaths. Erica brings her hand up to Callie's cheek, staring intently into her chocolate-colored eyes. **

**Callie (looking adoringly into Erica's eyes) : **"I've wanted to do that for so long. God, Erica, I never knew I could feel so much for anyone." **(taking Erica's chin in her hand, whispering) **"You take my breathe away, do you know that?"

**Erica (eyes still wet with tears, whispering) : **"I've never wanted anyone the way I want you."

**Callie (smiling, whispering, burying her face in Erica's neck and purring) : **"I want you, too, mi vida (my life). Do you have any idea what you do to me?"** (brings her head back up to place another soft kiss on Erica's lips, whispering somberly) **"Look, let's stop playing games and pretending and just be honest with each other, ok? We need to communicate… tell each other how we really feel. Deal?"

**Erica nods, looking down at the floor. **

**Callie (smiling, exhaling sharply, tucking a blonde lock behind Erica's ear and getting lost in the sea of blue that is Erica's eyes) :** "Ok."

**Erica's pager goes off causing the cardio-goddess to frown and groan as she picks it up and reads it. **

**Erica (frustrated) : **"Damn it! Sorry. I have to go."

**Callie (smiling) : **"It's ok, sweetie. Have lunch with me?"

**Erica (grinning slightly) : **"Yeah."

**Erica starts to walk past Callie towards the door, but the raven-haired beauty steps to the side into Erica's path to prevent the blonde from going any further and touches her arm.**

**Callie : **"Erica?"

**Erica : **"Yeah?"

**Callie (shyly) : **"Before you go… one more kiss?"

**Erica smiles her first real smile in two days and shyly drops her gaze to the floor before nodding. The Latina leans in and places a final gentle kiss on the older woman's lips and nuzzles her nose affectionately. **

**Callie (sincerely) : **"See you at lunch, mi cielo (my sky)."

**Erica nods with a grin on her face as she slowly and reluctantly heads out the door, never taking her eyes off of Callie until the door closes behind her, all malaise now forgotten. **

**THE END?????? **

**And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you do **_**chemistry**_**!!!!! **

**P.S. Once again, in your face, Sloan! LOL**

**P.S.S Oh, and once again, reviews, please. Should I write a Pt. II????**


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